


So come on let it go. (Just let it be.)

by feelsfuelme



Series: Song One Shots [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Cancer, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Final skate, Get a box of tissues, Lots of Crying, Multi, Quadruple Axel, Sad, Song Inspired, Yuuri dies but not depicted?, happy send off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 04:17:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13826316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelsfuelme/pseuds/feelsfuelme
Summary: Yuuri has terminal bladder cancer and only has a few months left. He wants a happy send off from skating filled with surprises and feels.He achieves all of the above.OR“He had gotten the diagnosis around two months ago. He had bladder cancer. It was terminal. No point in starting chemotherapy. Success rate was less than 10% in Yuuri’s case. He had been given a prognosis of six months to live with his body starting to shut down a few weeks before his time was up.”





	So come on let it go. (Just let it be.)

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by this song: https://youtu.be/GsPq9mzFNGY

This was it. Yuuri was stood in the middle of the rink in Hasetsu. This would be his last time performing. Ever. For the rest of his life. Or what was left of it.

He had gotten the diagnosis around two months ago. He had bladder cancer. It was terminal. No point in starting chemotherapy. Success rate was less than 10% in Yuuri’s case. He had been given a prognosis of six months to live with his body starting to shut down a few weeks before his time was up. Yuuri had grown to accept it. Of course he was distraught when he found out and it took weeks before he accepted it but he was a peace with it now. It was out of his control.

This whole process had been extremely hard on Viktor and the Katsuki’s. They are the ones who love Yuuri. Not that his friends didn’t love him but they loved him unconditionally. This whole experience. The suddenness made it a whole lot worse. Yuuri wanted to express himself on last time. Say goodbye to the ice as he spent the remainder of his life surrounded by family and close friends in Hasetsu.

Yuuri worked on a free skate for this performance. Not a short program. His body wouldn’t be able to take the stress of two pieces. Yuuri poured his blood, sweat and tears; _Definitely tears_ ; into this free skate, with the theme of tranquility. This skate was exclusively for his friends and family. It would be recorded and released on the day of Yuuri’s passing, his final contribution to the world, but this was meant for those close to him. To express his love of the ice and the acceptance of his fate.

The lights in the rink began to dim and the spotlight was put on Yuuri. On the sideline was Viktor, Hiroko, Toshiya and Mari while his close friends, those who Yuuri had cherished his past few years with stayed in the bleachers: Yurio, Mila, Otabek, Chris, JJ, Isabella, Minami, Phichit, Guang-Hong, Leo, Seung Gil, Sara, Michele and Emil.

Looking around the room bought back a flood of memories with the people he loved. Japanese nationals. Four Continent Cup competitions. The Grand Prix Finals. The banquets. Yuuri smirked at the thought of Sochi. The parties they had. The wedding. Mila and Sara’s engagement party. Memories Yuuri would cherish and keep with him forever.

Before the music even started everyone was emotional. Yurio and Otabek were inseparable, Sara and Mila were bawling their eyes out, sharing a tissue box while the others remained quiet, wanting this performance to be engraved into their minds for eternity.

The Katsuki’s watched Yuuri and gave him a slight nod. A sad but proud nod. Viktor was wiping stubborn tears from his eyes and gave the biggest, most genuine smile to Yuuri.

Takeshi and Yuuko were operating the lights and music while the triplets, who were now 8 years old were in charge of the recording.

The public didn’t know about Yuuri’s terminal illness. He wanted to keep it under wraps. He didn’t want pity from any strangers, anyone who didn’t really care about him. All that mattered to him were his friends and family.

Yuuri closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the music started playing.

_From walking home and talking loads  
Seeing shirts in evening clothes with you_

Yuuri’s head was looking down at the ground, skating in small circles, trying to express his feeling of finding out the diagnosis. His shoulders were hunched, making Yuuri seem tiny and nonexistent as if he had lost all purpose.

Yuuri hadn’t known. He had noticed a little bit of blood in his urine. Thinking it was a urinary tract infection, he left it, until he started getting pain when urinating. That’s when he saw the doctor, thinking it was just a bad infection. That one appointment changed Yuuri’s life forever.

_From nervous touch and getting drunk  
To staying up and waking up with you_

Yuuri looked up towards Viktor. That line said it all. It’s how he had met Viktor and how they’re relationship progressed. This song was Yuuri.

The circles he was skating was now a lot bigger and he was looking up to the roof, not looking at the audience. He eventually broke the circle and skated off in the direction of his friends in a spread eagle.

_Now we're slipping near the edge  
Holding something we don't need_

Yuuri brought his hands together and into his chest, looking down on the ice again as he skated around the ice with a killer step sequence, making it look like he is trying to run away from something but alas doesn’t escape.

Yuuri’s anxiety skyrocketed after the diagnosis. He was bedridden for two weeks. So was Viktor. He just found out he was going to lose the love of his life after finding him after 27 years of searching. Neither of them could escape it. They had to let it take its course.

_Oh, this delusion in our heads  
Is gonna bring us to our knees_

Yuuri was getting ready to do his first jump.

_Come on Katsuki. A performance everyone will remember._

Yuuri’s anxiety wasn’t playing up today. He vowed to himself that his was something he needed to do. This routine needed to be performed. It was the last thing Yuuri felt he needed to do to get closure. Yuuri didn’t hesitate to choose this song when he heard it. It had always been a favourite of his but a forgotten one.

 _So come on, let it go_  
Just let it be  
Why don't you be you  
And I'll be me

Yuuri accelerated to do a jump right in front of Yurio. A quad flip followed by a sit spin. Yuuri deliberately stuck a tongue out at Yurio while he did this, getting a cheeky grin in return from the young Russian.

 _Everything that's broke_  
Leave it to the breeze  
Why don't you be you  
And I'll be me

Yuuri continued to skate past the bleacher towards the rink entrance, getting ready for his next jump.

_And I'll be me_

Yuuri did a triple axel, a perfected jump of Yuuri’s, followed by a smile towards his family and Viktor as he skated past.

The music continued to play its soothing melody of acoustics while Yuuri was doing a combination spin.

_From throwing clothes across the floor  
To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you_

Yuuri re-enacted his Eros throw that he used to symbolise the throwing aside of the man he had been trying to tame, followed by an impersonation of Yurio. The expression he would make when we had angry. The hissing face they called it. His lips pulling back to reveal his teeth. There was a round of applause from his audience and a wave of laughter which made Yuuri beam with happiness. This wasn’t meant to be a somber performance. Yuuri wanted this to be a happy one. A reflection of Yuuri and his love for not only skating but his extended family too. Yuuri knows that when he gone, Viktor and his ice skating family will look after his parents and sister.

_If this is all we're living for  
Why are we doing it, doing it, doing it anymore?_

Yuuri did a quadruple salchow, triple toe loop combo followed by the waving of his head and his hands against his ears, as if he is tearing himself apart, symbolising his internal argument, whether to sink into another state of depression, or to go and do something with what he has left of his life.

 _I used to recognize myself_  
It's funny how reflections change  
When we're becoming something else  
I think it's time to walk away

Yuuri smiled as he proceeded to do a triple axel, double half loop followed by a double salchow. He began to spin while skating towards the bleachers yet again, simply having fun on the ice. Yuuri reminisced on his journey from shy, insecure figure skater to celebrity, Grand Prix gold medalist who was an ambassador for figure skating in Japan.

 _So come on, let it go_  
Just let it be  
Why don't you be you  
And I'll be me

Yuuri continued to skate to the music, let it overtake his body, let it skate for him.

From the bleachers, there wasn’t a dry eye to be seen. Even Yurio cried, despite a vow against crying today. Otabek was giving him a tight hug, tears even trickling down his cheeks. Mila and Sara were hysterical, vowing to never leave each other’s side and make the most of life like Yuuri has.

The rest in the bleachers simply watched on mesmerised, letting the tears flow but not get in the way of what was occurring in front of them.

The Katsuki’s were crying but not as much as Viktor. He was distraught but kept his promise to Yuuri as he had ever since coaching. His eyes never left him on the ice.

The remaining majority of the dance became a blur, Yuuri heavily concentrated on perfecting the rest of his program.

_A quad toe loop. Check. A quad lutz. Check._

Yuuri could see that Viktor was really invested in Yuuri’s skate, making sure he is achieving everything he wanted.

Yuuri smiled to himself, knowing what was about to happen.

_Time to knock Viktor’s socks off like back at the Cup of China._

_Everything that's broke_  
Leave it to the breeze  
Let the ashes fall  
Forget about me

_It’s time._

Yuuri had been hiding this from Viktor for months, all for the big surprise. It had taken him a long time to perfect this but he felt ready. No time better than the present. Especially if you are never returning to the ice again.

Yuuri got his speed up, jumping high enough in the air. One. Two. Three. Four. And a half. Perfect. Yuuri landed on the back outside edge of the opposite foot he launched from. He did it. The first quadruple axel in history.

Violent roars and cheers filled the rink. Yuuri began to cry. He looked over to Viktor who just looked broken. His eyes flooding with tears, trickling down his chiseled features. He blew a kiss to Yuuri and he caught it, holding it near his heart with all his might, not wanting to let it go.

The song began to close and Yuuri made his way to the centre of the rink, dropping into his final pose. Hugging himself and looking up. Radiating the feeling of love. Not just self acceptance but to signify the love that he felt every person in the rink give him.

He lived a life filled with people who never let him down. Who gave him everything they had. Who poured time and effort into him. Whether it was nurturing him from a young age, to training him in both dance and ice skating, or just listening to him and guiding him through his challenges.

He couldn’t ask for a better final performance.

He could drift away in a few months time and feel at peace.

He would spend the remainder of his life with those he held dearly close. His immediate family, Viktor, Phichit, Yurio and Minako.

Yuuri felt at ease. He could finally pass and have no regrets whatsoever.

He had his time and cherished every moment of it.

This was it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a horrible author who just seems to make Yuuri suffer. I’m sorry!
> 
> I’m wanting to create a series of YOI stories surrounding song lyrics but this won’t be an active project, just when I have time and feel that a song could have an awesome story accompany it.
> 
> Watch this space!


End file.
